Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Hmm...This frustrates me and makes me guilty to admit, but my old ex-boyfriend, Kyle. I don't know why he'll show up in my dumb brain now and then. It's not like I try to think about him and the pain associated with our on & off again (multiple times) relationship. I don't know why my brain does that to me. I've been with Zak for 3 1/2 years and couldn't be happier with him, so why did Kyle show up in my dreams last night (granted, half of the dream was about a huge python snake escaping in this building while I (and a bunch of other, random people) had to save everything)? I don't know what the deal is. I try my best to block it all out, because I'm kind of ashamed of who I was during that relationship. And there was a lot of repeated pain that I don't want to remember. Every time this happens, I'm a bit shaken up for the next day or so, because I can't figure out why my brain seems to be punishing me. I wish I could just delete certain memories, or at the very least, make the good memories clearer and more vivid, in an attempt to push the painful ones away.
That being said and confessed, I love my husband more than anything and I hope you don't think less of me.
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